Fertile Ground

8/27/08

 

How do I feel right now?  I wonder if it’s like finding out you just won the lottery.  First you’re jumping up and down with joy, but that only lasts a short time.  Then you get really quiet inside.  You aren’t sure who to tell or if you should tell anyone right away.  You can’t quite wrap your mind around this – it’s sort of surreal.  You know your life is going to change in indescribable ways, but you don’t know what they are.  You have no idea what your future life will look or feel like  But you know on a deep level that you are incredible lucky and blessed.  There are lots concerns to worry about, but for now, they’re not really on the radar.  There’ll be plenty of time to deal with them

 

So, that’s pretty much how I feel.  Of course, I’m scared of another loss.  How can I not be?  But I feel a sense of security in this pregnancy.  It feels like when I was pregnant with Sam.  I’m really tired and hungry a lot.  My feet are a little sore and I’m out of breath when I walk up stairs.  This all happened really early on with Sam, but not with the others.  What were all their uterine names?  Speck, Gumball…..hmmm…I can’t remember the last one.  It’ll come to me.  We’ve already named these two (just in case there ARE two, we don’t want one to feel left out) – They are Jake and Shmo.  I don’t know why.  It just happened that way.  Good luck Jake and Shmoe.  Burrow deep, my friends, and hang on tight.